Finish High School

Finish College

Get a Job

Set self on fire

Dear X,

Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.

Goodbye,
J.R.

Dear X,

We go live July 15th.

There’s a lot on my plate that I’ve been talking about finishing, starting, trying, ect. I’m tired of my list growing ever longer and never getting completed. Lets take a lesson about mindfulness. I will become a whirlwind of obsession and knock things off that list with quickness. As previously stated, I will use mindfulness to help shoot through things quickly.

A cool description about what mindfulness comes from this site http://headrush.typepad.com/creating_passionate_users/2005/03/your_brain_on_m.html, in which she says that mindfulness is like adding hours to your day by just completely focusing on one thing at a time. No multi-tasking, just one task at a time.

Sincerely,
J.R.

Dear X,

The month of March has been good to me. Two weeks ago I attended NCSC in Kennesaw, GA and I improved significantly in my interviewing skills. Much happened, just trust me that it was awesome.

Lately, I’ve been swimming through this anime Gankutsuou, which is an anime version of The Count of Monte Cristo. It rocks so hard that I am astounded by how fast I’m going through it. Its soooo goooooood!!! OMG, I don’t think the newest movie will satisfy me anymore, and I freaking love that movie.

I’m focusing so much of my time career stuff and school, but its interesting stuff. Short entry, but life is good, and we only have a month before summer hits. The last summer of my college career is approaching.

Sincerely,
J.R.

Dear X,

Okay, I’m watching Elizabeth the Golden Age and she just said some of the most gangster shit I’ve ever heard in my life.

To quote: “My bitches wear my collars! You breed when I say!”

Wall street quotes

There’s no mobility in poverty.

Life comes down to moments, this is one of them.

The most valuable commodity is information.

Stop sending information and start getting it.

This is your wake up call pal, go to work.

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Well love, I'm still alive. I missed v day, but thats okay. I try to give love everyday of my life. Rock ya back later!

Sincerely,
J.R.

Dear X,

I’ve been having paranormal movie moments. You know when you see something strange that you can’t explain and then you see it a few more times at strange moments, like fate is warning you that something…different is about to happen? The only problem with paranormal movie moments is that you can never tell them to somebody because they are so focused in reality that they wouldn’t believe you.

“Dude, you probably just need to see a freaking optometrist. Quit freaking out already.”

I just want you to know that if you ever shared your paranormal moments with me I would reply like, “Wow. Okay, if you die in the next 3 weeks I promise to investigate your death.”

Creepy Creedy,
J. R.

Dear X,

I’ve hit a wall. It was a bad place. A lonely place. But lately, I’ve started to remember what you told me that day: move towards things that shine. I’ve been wrestling with that idea like a coin that you massage in the palm of your hand. I flip the coin over and over, rubbing the ridges and feeling the texture of its curves. I’m finally starting to realize how important that idea is, and…I’m getting an inclination in the direction I should be moving towards.

You see, I’ve been wallowing in that dark place. I couldn’t let go of my memories on how things used to be. I’d spend all of my energy yearning for things to revert back to the old days, the good days. Its like performing CPR on a body that’s been dead for 2 days. Move towards things that shine. I gotta leave this place behind because its growing dull.

There’s a fear in the pit of my stomach that saps all of my energy. Every step forward is a struggle. Move towards things that shine. I don’t know what lays ahead, but I’m going there.

Thanks,
J. R.

Dear X,

Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me. I am once again rocking V for Vendetta. It is one of my ultimate favorites. It never ceases to pump me up. What a powerful stimuli.

If there were a way to pump it straight into my veins I would do it in a heartbeat. Every time I see this I want to punch something or yell in a fanatical fashion. I swear, I could have a heart attack from the awesomeness that is this movie. “Fucking V you blow my mind every time!!”

If ever there were a man who said buck the system, he would be V. Its like Luffy and crew deciding to take on the world government. The odds are incredibly stacked against em, but they always said “fuck it. I live by my own rules and I won’t quit until my last breath leaves my body.”

Fuck the powers that be. I’m going to burn out quickly. Don’t know where this is headed, but I’ll keep you posted.

Emphatically Yours,
J. R.

Dear X,

I have a tendency to get into things that only interest me superficially so that I can be “in the know.” I’m working to rid myself of the habit of overextending myself like this. A fundamental problem with my schedule is that it includes things that I don’t enjoy doing, but would like to say that I have the ability to do.

Examples would be like, I have no real interest in painting, digital or tradition, but I would love to say that I could do some amazing things painting. I have no desire to draw amazing images, but I would love to be able to draw amazing things. It’s like investing all of this time into something and the only goal is to be able to say that I could do it. I want to go after something that really interests me and I do it because I enjoy it.

What I want is to find joy in the entire process instead of looking for the end result.

So, change of plans. I’m going to free fall for a grace period and move towards things that shine.

Everything is everything,
J. R.

Dear X,

Books are dangerous. In a movie, you see what the character sees, but you also see everything else. You can connect with everyone in that movie if you try or choose to because there is a separation from you and the main character. In a book, you not only see what they see, you feel what they feel; you don’t connect with them, you become them. The power that lies in books is that you become the person whose head you are inside of. The way they see the world becomes the way you see the world.

Like a movie, there will be some characters that you sync up with better than others, but the fact remains that you understand the main character better than anyone else, because the author keys you in to how they are reacting physically and emotionally and its like you are reading about your own life.

Why Books are Dangerous

1. One perspective, you become the main character


Okay, if you’re reading the Adventures of Huck Finn, you’re not hearing the story of Huck Finn as much as you become Huck Finn. You become a young adolescent boy who has a best friend named Tom, and sets out on a river to get away from your alcoholic father. Don’t get this confused. If you watched the movie The Adventures of Huck Finn, then you are hearing the story of Huck Finn because you are outside of Huck’s head and thus can connect with anyone you see the in the movie as well as with Huck. But if you read the book, then there is no way you will not be Huck. You are now in Huck’s mind. You hear what he hears, you see what he sees, you feel what he feels. You don’t hear a story about an adolescent boy, you become an adolescent boy.

That scares me. I become uneasy whenever I start reading a book like that.

It is because of this that I prefer self help books, or synopsis of books because they are addressed to me and I don’t become anyone else.

Anais: We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.

Whenever I start reading a book that I connect with too much I have to stop and distance myself from it. Lately, I’ve just been chucking the books away because it freaks me out. I don’t know how this happened. I used to be an avid reader and loved living all these different lives through characters. Now it emotionally disturbs me.

Sincerely,
J.R.

Dear X,

The new self-made schedule is about to be implemented. Prepare for regular updates on how much my life rocks.

Sincerely,
J. R.

Dear X,

Fate kicked sand in my eyes. Fuck em, I’m still coming out on top.

Sincerely,

J. R.

Dear X,

I’ve been doing the cube every morning to get the skill to automatic. Actually I’m doing it so much its fucking cake. I’m ready for school to kick up so I can report greater accomplishments because this is getting to be background music. I’ve shaved minutes off to complete it today. Shocks me. Still solving, still juggling. Juggling is hit or miss, but given enough chances I can get a pretty good run going.

I’m on edge for things to get rolling. I’ve got a schedule made up that makes sure I don’t waste ungodly amounts of time watching television or mindlessly surfing the internet. So yeah… pouring over my favorite parts of my old books and watch as family gets back to their regular schedules makes me eager to get back to mine. On the plus side, all this free time has given me the chance to add things to my list. I watched the last half of the Truman Show last night, and I want to rewatch The Fifth Element sometime in the upcoming week. Should be hanging out with Steven and Matt and Ashley sometime soon. M and A don’t have to go back to graduate school until like the 22, so we got some time.

Sincerely,
J. R.

Dear X,

I finally understand what Treiz meant when he said that there is nothing more beautiful than a soldier with no distractions. To do something without regard to the outside world. If you do something enough times, nothing can mess you up. I bet you know what I’m talking about. Like, I bet you could brush your teeth while reading a book, riding in the passenger seat, or watching a commercial. Not that you would, but you’ve done it so many times that you don’t have to think about it at all. You know how to brush all of your teeth without thinking about it because its so routine, like driving home from work without thinking about it. You’ve had the experience of driving home from somewhere and your mind wondered, and you come back to the moment and your pulling up to your home and you wonder how you got there without hurting someone or breaking the law. Routine makes it perfect.

There’s two scenes in Kenichi where he fights a guy that he is stronger than but loses because the guy has more experience than him, and the second fight is after he has trained longer. The only real difference is that Kenichi can now do what he does without distraction or hesitation. He knows what to do without thinking or flinching.

I think that this is what it’s really about, to go through the repetitive part so that you can possess the skill to do at any moment. Make it Automatic.

Love,
J. R.

Dear X,

Great news! I brought in the New Year by solving the rubik’s cube! I went on to solve it 4 times in total today. Lately, I’ve found myself going through my old English books that are filled with dozens of essays from popular literary figures. I must say that several of these essays have struck a chord with me and I am glad that I did not part with them all those years ago.

One essay, A Bachelor’s Complaint by Charles Lamb impresses me because of what he had to say 200 years ago is still relevant today. Human nature doesn’t change. He makes several really good points, but the two that stick out the most are one: couples have a sense of complacency and self-sufficiency that single people by implied contrast must lack, and two: his relationship with the husband is irreparably altered with the injection of the wife into the equation.

Couples are in their own world. Its what they talk about most passionately and a topic that they never bore of. New couples tend to be all over each other, and older couples exist with their own kind of communication. Sylvia Plath said it best but I can only remember the feeling, she said that there is something disheartening about being in a room with two people as they get more and more into each other, especially if you are the only other person in that room. A single person around a couple automatically becomes the other.

Lamb says that if you knew your friend before they started courting their current lover, before a year’s end, your relationship with that friend will either wither away and die, or you will feel them gradually grow cold towards you. I think this is just something that is a part of life. Every one of my friends that has become involved in any kind of relationship has changed. Maybe they didn’t change, but our relationship changed. Our relationship has been noticeably altered, and if it doesn’t die, than it loses strength.

To further the point, I will quote from yet another essay, this one by Phillip Lopate titled “What Friends Are For”, in this he says:

From my standpoint, friendship is a jealous goddess. Whenever a friend of mine marries, I have to fight to overcome the feeling that I am being “replaced” by the spouse. I don’t mind sharing a friend with his or her family milieu- in fact I like it, up to a point- but eventually I must get the friend alone, or else, as a bachelor at a distinct power disadvantage, I risk becoming a mere spectator of familial rituals instead of a key player in the drama of friendship.

I’ve been pouring over these essays for some time now. Its time to take a break and do something else.

Sincerely,
J. R.

Dear X,

I just stepped out of the shower, and I couldn’t help but feel that there was nowhere I’d rather be when the New Year came in. It was a good shower. It was hot and I felt like I was washing away 2007, going into 2008 with a clean slate. When I’m really excited about something, the last thing I want to do is stand still, and any activity that doesn’t relate to my new project feels like a waste of time. The New Year will bring many good things this year, I am optimistic of that.

Sincerely,
Starry-eyed optimist

I cannot dedicate 6+ hours of my life to watching an anime series I’ve already seen. Its too intense and repetitive. I become too involved and feel like I should be doing something else. The joy is gone, its like reading a novel you’ve already read. I can’t do that either, unless it’s a short story or something. Long stories take too much time and too much commitment. The list of books that I’ve read more than once are non existent, and there are only two 26 episodes anime series that I’ve watched more than once. If I’ve seen it, then I am through with it. I may go back and occasionally watch an episode or two when I get a desire to see it again, but it would be rare to watch more than one episode again.

The exception to this rule is if it is already on. If viewing it requires no work, then I am much more likely to watch it. It’s strange, I know. I own 3 seasons of King of The Hill, but I haven’t physically put in one of the dvds since I got them 2 years ago, but if a 4 hour marathon came on, I would watch all of it. I would think, “this is my favorite episode and I haven’t seen it in months.” It’s because of this that I don’t buy box sets of anything anymore, if I really want to watch something again I’ll rent it.

If I have to put it in, I’m not interested. If its already on, I’ll watch it because I already know I enjoy it. I don’t know why that is.

My Christmas was amazing, I hope everyone else's was as well. I currently spend my time downloading the rest of History's Strongest Disciple and making way through my list of things that I want to do. That includes getting back to learning how to play the guitar, solving the rubik's cube and learning to juggle. While I'm here I should post some quotes from the book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. That is such an awesome book. Easily enters the top five books I've read this year.

In our interpersonal relations we should never forget that all our associates are human beings and hunger for appreciation. It is the legal tender that all souls enjoy.

Happiness does not depend on out conditions, it depends on inner conditions.

"There is nothing good or bad," said Shakespeare, "but thinking makes it so."

Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right. You can't win an argument. You can't because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph.

I am convinced now that nothing good is accomplished and a lot of damage can be done if you tell a person straight out that he or she is wrong. You only succeed in stripping that person of self-dignity and making yourself an unwelcome part of any discussion.

I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.

Tell your child, your spouse, or your employee that he or she is stupid or dumb at a certain thing, has no gift for it, and is doing it all wrong, and you have destroyed almost every incentive to try to improve.


On a side note, learning to juggle requires a shocking amount of arm strength and stamina.

Okay, I'm highly upset. I've dedicated the last couple of weeks to the anime series Trinity Blood. Its incredible! The music just...gets me everytime, and the story was unfolding into such a vibrant, epic thing that it was just too much. A cold war between the Vatican and the Empire set in a world where the Empire is run by vampires and political tension and military power contribute to mistrust and factions set out to forever keep the two from peacefully coexisting. Not to mention that the leader of the Vatican is puppet wielded through the young teenager who has no strength and conviction. Its just to real and awesome for me. Great quotes, like "The tighter the leash the sooner it snaps" play into the entire thing so well it just moves me!

And then the most terrible thing ever happens...the ending offers no resolution whatsoever and raises more questions then it answers. The last episode just opened up an entire new can of worms. This would be okay if there were going to be a second season or even if the novels had finished, but sadly the creator of the series passed away in 2004 before he could end things properly. Nothing counts anymore. Everyone is just winging it. They got another famous writer to fill in for him, but its not the same. You might as well read a fanfiction because thats what its come down to. The story was so good!! Its a story that I'm never going to feel closure with.

Damn It!!

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From Wikipedia

Trinity Blood: Set 900 years after an apocalyptic war between humans and vampires, the series focuses on the on-going cold war between the Vatican and the Empire. Fighting on the Vatican's side is Abel Nightroad, a Crusnik which feeds on vampires. A blend of sci-fi, fantasy, and political intrigue, as some in the Vatican and the Empire strive for peace, other factions will do anything to stop it.

The anime focuses on the present, but by the end of the series, you find out that all the major players in this anime were around 900 years ago. They took part in the great war, and everything that happened back then has led up to right now. If this weren't bad enough, we don't get the full story on much of anything. So much is left out. This is normal in anime, but this is special because the story is so deep, that you can only show the surface to get people intrigued. After looking around, I found out so much about everyone's personal stories that it really just made the story that much deeper. Ah, how this could have been one of the best things to ever happen.

Okay, I spent all day yesterday reading the Last Harry Potter book. Awesome, but you knew that didn't you. I hit the whole Potter zone where I just couldn't put the book down. 80 percent of my waking time was spent with my nose in that book. Its a huge book. And so the media consuming Xmas break continues.